No Women? No Excuse. One Man's Thoughts on Contraception

Imagine holding a prostate exam and only inviting women. As ridiculous as that sounds, with republican Darrell Issa making a mockery of everything this country stands for with his one-sided hearing about contraception, I think it makes more sense to look for prostates on women than trust our government to make an informed decision.

Let’s look at the facts of the matter. Whether or not you believe in free birth control is irrelevant in this case. Even if you believe that condoms were made to wrap Satan around our penises, it still shouldn’t matter.

As a man, I’ve been in no way left out of this conversation, and I still find it downright insane that we didn’t hear from a single woman about female preventative healthcare. It’s as if the government is trying their absolute best to show us that our House of Representatives has no idea what the hell to do. In fact, just to keep the government consistent, the next time the debate about gay marriage comes up, we shouldn’t allow a single church official to weigh in. That way, no one who cares about anything will ever be allowed to speak.

Not only were women not invited to the hearing, the lone female specimen that was actually allowed through the doors ended up being silenced because she wasn’t a “religious expert.” Since when do we need a religious expert to explain the health of a young woman in need of a break? What, exactly, about religious studies allows a person to be deemed an expert on vaginas and babies? If anything, I’d say those are the people that are kept in the dark.

Listen, if you don’t want to invite any women to your bachelor party, your golf outing, or singles night at the gay bar, I’m fine with that. But when you’re talking about an issue that is so deeply and fundamentally associated with a woman’s body, you better not pull that sort of sophomoric, misogynistic crap. How can we possibly expect to come to an educated decision if we only ever hear one side of the story?

The fact of the matter is: I’m a man. I’m pretty proud of that. I can pee in the woods without any trouble and I get to watch the miracle of birth rather than live it. But after this ugly decision, I’m a little bit embarrassed to hold onto my man card. When we start to think that we can make decisions without any representation on the other side, we become a group of uneducated, unfair Neanderthals. And that’s not a gender thing, that’s a civil rights thing.

As for which way I stand on the issue, it doesn’t much matter, but I generally believe in all things empowering and healthy. If that means that some women might use birth control rather than get themselves into serious trouble, then I’m all for it. If that means my girlfriend will get free birth control then I’m downright ecstatic about it.

But more than all of that, I believe that everyone should get a say. Because if I want to see a bunch of middle-aged white guys make a decision, I’ll start watching Blue Bloods.