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Nice Day for a Diet Wedding

empty plateI will probably never understand the importance of hitting a certain number on the scale before you become a blushing bride. What I do know, is that I’ve heard of women going on cleanses, drinking nothing but bark tea, and even embarking on the occasional cookie diet . . . just to get down a few dress sizes before your entire family is obligated to stare at you for hours.

The newest fad, however, seems to take the wedding cake as the most controversial idea for losing weight outside of an eating disorder.

The feeding tube diet, as it’s being referred to, is a rising weight loss technique being used by future brides across the country. It consists of a visit with a doctor, who then puts a feeding tube of protein, fat and water into your nose, adding up to only 800 calories a day. All you have to do is keep the feeding tube in for ten days, and presto: you’ve lost up to 25 pounds before the biggest day of your life.

But here’s the problem . . . there’s no safe way to lose 25 pounds in ten days. It doesn’t matter if it’s a feeding tube, a portion control limit, or even an angry Ukrainian man who shouts at you for eating; going to 800 calories per day will never be healthy weight loss. Dr. Oliver Di Pietro, the creator of this feeding frenzy, may claim very few side effects. But that doesn’t mean it’s safe.

The first issues that could arise are infections and irritation from the tube itself. Feeding tubes are usually reserved for the extremely ill, and there’s a reason why normal people don’t get food through their noses. It can also present an emotional stress when you boomerang back to your old weight, because consuming only 800 calories will never be a permanent option. And even if it was a permanent option, you’d be doing more harm to your body than good.

If you’ve ever read anything on this website, or any health article in general, you should know: the ONLY long-term solution to maintaining a healthy weight is to eat right and exercise. That will allow you to look the way you want while feeling better, and can become part of a lasting and effective habit, rather than a two week anti-bender. And if looking “perfect” on your wedding day gives you enough motivation to visit a doctor and eat through your nostrils for ten days, then it should also give you enough motivation to exercise regularly and examine your diet.

Because no matter how perfect your wedding day is, the wedding night is where the real fireworks happen. And why would you want to sap all of your energy with an extreme diet, when you could use that extra enthusiasm for the honeymoon?

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